Tiffany Rambles

I had a weird dream/nightmare last night. Half of it took place in my room, and the other half took place on a boat. See, I don't like boats and, at least to my knowledge, nor does anyone in my family. I can't swim all too well, and the idea of being surrounded by loads of water scares me for the same reason that being surrounded by the sky does (yknow, airplanes) - the uncertainty, the knowledge that everything surrounding me is huge enough to swallow me whole.

I don't really remember the half that took place in my room, 'cept that half was less interesting than the water half anyway and was probably just about the problems I'm having with my family. In the water half of the dream, I had a cousin who lived on a boat and all my family was there for...some reason. There was a window on the boat where, if you looked from a certain angle, the clouds would spiral open and reveal the kingdom of heaven. When approaching the window, the image of heaven would shift into a mass of destroyed boats covered with dead bodies.

I...don't know what that's about. Maybe the boat is like that boat/yacht from Triangle and trying to approach heaven from ze magical boat is a fool's errand?

Nearing the end of the dream, I separated from the family to write and read. This is something I often do at family events. I just can't help it. Like my nightmare was scripted by a bunch of horror writers, me separating from everyone trapped me in an area where the only way I could escape was jumping into all that damn water. I turned back. No door. No walls. I was on a raft, and all I could do was jump.

So I sissied out and woke up in a deep sweat instead.

This dream probably means that I'm holding back and I need to learn how to jump into the unknown or some shit like that. Or maybe I just need to learn how to swim? Ah, probably.

Now that I'm done sharing that dream (I just had to. That image of the clouds spiraling apart to reveal a bright image of heaven was just...wow, beautiful. I can't get it out of my mind, and I'm not even religous, though I'm not an atheist either. It's like that time me and Matthew were lying on his floor after wrestling and the light from his window shined on his face at just the right moment to make him glow. Jeez, I was mesmerized like a total spazz), it's time to talk about other things. Like, more professional things. Let me switch back to my professional voice and get out of this foul-mouthed vernacular that I hide for...whatever reason.

I am going to self-publish a how-to guide on marketing for writers. It won't be the absolute everything guide on marketing. Instead, it'll be a guide of al the things I've learned and tried over the years. I realized I had a lot to say about marketing and promotion when I wrote 'Market Your Book Without Emptying Your Bank Account' for Rhemalda's blog.

Now, I know I said I was publishing a workbook for writers, a checklist of sorts, on my 'Support Honest Crits' page. After summarizing the marketing book and the workbook, I realized that the workbook would take me muuuuuch longer to write and research than the marketing book, and I want the book published in 3 months. The sales from this book will go to the business and my education, but I only have five months to at least figure out how I'll get the semester out of the way.

Here I am, switching gears again. Have you heard of that Lucky 7 meme? Well, here are the rules:

The Lucky 7 Meme Rules• Go to page 77 of your current MS/WIP
• Go to line 7
• Copy down the next 7 lines--sentences or paragraphs--and post them as they're written. No cheating.

Because my story is separated by chapter numbers and not in one full document, I don't know what page 77 is. Instead of going to page 77, I went to chapter 7 of Savior of the Damned's 4th edit. Here are the next 7 lines after line 7.:

The blinding white light at the top was always out of reach. The steps were disintegrating faster than I could run. If someone didn't acknowledge my screams for help, I would fall.

My mom, almost angelic in image, appeared in the doorway. I grabbed tight hold of her hand. Afterward, the basement became a replica of hell, with fire everywhere and monster hands dancing around a colossal hand with a mouth instead of an eye.

"Mom, you can help me up now."

"Shut up you demon spawn."

And here it is from the original draft, the one I wrote when I was a freshman in high school:

When I first met him he gave the impression of being a very talkative person, but, then again, second expressions are seldom exactly like the first.

Augustine’s footsteps stopped, and mines stopped shortly after his. We were now at the door to the house. My mind was still blank. I found I couldn’t make myself think. Why couldn’t I make myself think about anything? It was just...fog.

Augustine began to talk. “Levi Haze, if you’re eating then”—

“I am not,” he interrupted. “You know I’m not. Now bring her in already. I already told you how important this was.”

If you made it all the way to the end of this loooong past, here's a congratulations for you. This video just cracks me up. Here's the explanation, explained courtesy of good old TV Tropes:


And here's a song I really like.

Okay, so the Snowflake Method isn't new. I first learned about it about six or seven years ago, when I was big on writing high fantasy and found the idea of planning a whole story and world very overwhelming (I found it overwhelming in the seventh grade and I still find it overwhelming as a freshman in college, which is why I've put all my high fantasy stories in a dusty box in the back of my closet).

I still remember preteen me sitting on the floor, filling page-after-page of my flimsy notebook with notes on the plot and characterization. I actually finished all of the steps. Unfortunately, preteen me abandoned that story when she realized she loved horror and wanted to delve into stories about the supernatural world.

Still, I never forgot about the Snowflake Method. It was a lot of fun to do and very insightful. Now, years later, young adult me is using it again - this time for a story I've already written and rewritten about five times (Savior of the Damned) and a brand new story I haven't started on yet (Dream Catcher). The snowflake method is helpful for both stories you've already written and stories you plan to write.

For instance, I really struggled with Step 2 of the method for Savior of the Damned. I realized the middle of my story didn't really have a defined act, a second major disaster. And, while it's okay that not all stories follow the three-act structure, I realized adding a major disaster in the middle - emotional disasters, as of now - would only enhance the plot overall. Had I not done the Snowflake Method just because I've already finished SotD, I may have never come to that conclusion.

Plus, me and the boyfriend brainstormed a wonderful one-sentence series summary and first book summary.

Series Summary: The Savior of the Damned leads supernatural creatures in a war against an all-powerful demon.

Book One Summary: An ex-drug addict travels within her mind to clear inner demons and become a goddess.

Now, about this info overload and consistency stuff. For me, they go hand-in-hand. When the year started, I made a big deal about unsubscribing to a bunch of newsletters and blogs. So I did. And, three months in, I've started subscribing to stuff again. People, this is a problem. I think I'm an info junkie. And I think there's a thin line between an info junkie and a procrastinator.

What doesn't help matters is that, instead of checking my e-mails once a week, I've instead decided to check 25 e-mails a day. 25 e-mails when each of those 25 e-mails are FULL of 5+ articles on writing, blogging, marketing, and editing is way too much info for everyday, definitely when you consider I'm also reading many more articles and blogs outside of my e-mails.

There's a such thing as trying to cram too much knowledge into your mind. It's overwhelming. Writing after reading all of those articles is much more stressful because all the things I've just learned are fresh on my mind, bothering me while I'm in the middle of writing a sentence. Then consistency is ruined. I find myself constantly wanting to keep up with these articles and posts, but there's just too many.

Because I'm a coach and an editor, it's great that I keep tabs on the writing world, but there needs to be a limit for both the sake of my sanity and my productivity. So I think I'll need to go back to checking e-mails once a week or once every two weeks.

Now I leave you with the first episode of Charlie the Unicorn and the song playing on my playlist as of now.



Hey, this is my ACTUAL to-do list. Putting my camera to use. ^_^

This morning I woke up at 8:30 am instead of 9:30 or 10 am. I had tea, oatmeal, and sausages instead of soda, an omelet, and waffles. This is me, trying to wake up earlier and eat healthier, and I'm happy I'm finally trying. What pushed me? Here and there, I've been reading posts about the daily lives of professional writers and entrepreneurs who work out of their home. The majority of those posts drilled into my head that if I'm aiming to be more productive, I need to take better care of my health and start my days earlier. I knew that before I read those articles, yeah, but they were the push I needed. I now want to eat more fruits and veggies and drink more juice and tea. I feel proud to admit that.

Anyway, my to-do list is HUGE today (hence why I call it the monster list). I know, I know, it's Valentine's day. Shouldn't I be spending today with a friend or with my boyfriend or TV? Well, as it turns out, the boyfriend goes to work today and I have a lot of work to do as well. We anticipated this already and decided to do our Vday stuff together yesterday. It was wonderful. I gave him things, he gave me things, we cuddled and talked and laughed a lot. Mostly the day was just like any other day we've spent together, in that he played video games and I worked on my business, but we didn't need the excuse of Valentine's day to feel extremely thankful to have each other.

Now that I'm done being a lovestruck goober, here is what I'm up to:

Yep, this is the card and candy.

1.) Start editing novella: If you don't already know, I'm a freelance editor who owns an editing business called Honest Crits. Because I had to edit the stories of those who won my Big Giveaway Contest over at Reader's Den, I had to wait to start editing the most recent novella that's been submitted to me. It's 74 pages long. If I give myself until March 5th to complete it, I can do 3-4 pages a day. Now all I have to do is make sure the writer is okay with that date.

2.) Promote my review of 'Spur of the Moment' by Candace Bowen Early: I'm very satisfied with this review. I wrote it without an outline and the words still easily came to me. The review also turned out to be longer than I thought it would be, which always makes me happy. Feels like the review has more depth. Today I'm gonna go into hardcore promotion mode and promote the review on more than 25 sites and pages, but already 3 people have particpated in the giveaway. That makes me incredibly happy! Since my promotion plan is 15 bucks, I always feel so terrible when an author doesn't get at least 3 participants and/or a discussion in the comments. Already, I won't have that problem with this review.

3.) Mark David down for second week of March: This means that, the second weekend of March, I'll be reviewing the second book in The Black Earth Series. I already reviewed book 1 here. Soon, David will be joining my Reader's Den team of writers. I'm thrilled to have him as a writing companion.

4.) Finish 'Common Errors' article: Actually, I need to start it too. -_- In March, I'll be doing a blog tour for Honest Crits, but first I need to write all 8 articles I'd like to promote throughout the web and then contact the blog owners whose blogs I'd like to appear on. The 'Common Errors' article will be a two-part article exploring the errors I see time and time again when I'm editing.

5.) Do at least 500 words of Dream Catcher, damn it!: If you read the last part of my previous post, you'll know that I'm very upset with myself for not working more on my fiction. I've been so into this business life that it feels like the creative part of my mind that allows me to write about creatures and alternate dimensions has been closed off. I can write articles and reviews with no problem, but work on my story? Fiction is where I started. I need to return to my roots, and making myself do at least 500 words today is supposed to help with that.

6.) Make sure dad gets boxes and 40 bucks: How handy is it that my dad works at the post office? Anyway, this is in regards to the fact that I need to send the books of those who won my giveaway contest out. It slipped my mind yesterday, but to make up for it slipping my mind, I finished editing the winning stories.

7.) Start polls for Reader's Den posts: There are two questions and two polls I'd like to have a lot of readers' inputs on. First question: Do readers really care about where and how a book was published? Second question: What do readers do with free Amazon books? Then, when these polls have been circulating for a while and I feel like enough readers have participated, I'll write two posts at Reader's Den about the answers to those questions. It should be fun.

8.) Submit at least 1 job application: My sources of income are rather shaky right now. Twice a month, I get 50 dollars from my dad, but my phone bill is 40 bucks and I have a tight budget. When all is said and done, only $7.50 of that 50 goes to me for general spending. Percentages of the rest go to self-publishing, savings, and my business. The business money I make is, of course, sporadic because Honest Crits is still in the process of being launched. Hency why I'll be doing a blog tour in March and advertising in April. So far, all the money I've made for the business has gone back to the business. As thus, I need a part-time job.

9.) Clear at least 25 e-mails: Even after going on my large unsubscribing spree, my e-mails still multiply very fast. And it doesn't help that I have about 6 e-mail addresses. I could very easily spend a whole day clearing e-mails, but I don't have the time for that. Clearing at least 25 e-mails today seems good enough for me.

Will I complete all of this? I don't know. Chances are, I won't. But it's not a big deal if I don't complete them all, as long as I complete 3-5 of them. As always, I leave you with the two most recent songs I love most:

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Fragments and pieces of thoughts have been flying around in my mind. Here are the things I've been concerned about:

• Savior of the Damned: I wanted to figure out how to add more of a supernatural feel to the first part of the story, and I also wanted to make the climax a large pile-up of events that should all help Alecia come to an important decision. I figured out what I could do for the beginning a couple of days ago. The ending was a lot more complicating, though. Finally, while walking to breakfast this morning, I figured out exactly what I could do! I was all smiles the whole walk. Now to write it all in and see if it fits as well when all typed-up.
• Dream Catcher: The biggest question is as follows: can I really write this whole story in third-person present tense? I won't know the answer to that until I do it. There are other concerns too. What are the rules of the dream world? What dreams will I be using? What will the conflict in the other books of the series pertain to? Though Dream Catcher, book one in the Insomnium series, is essentially a spin-off of the Danse Macabre series (Savior of the Damned), there's still a lot more I need to learn.
• Website Renovations and My Business: ALL of my sites will be renovated by January 2012. Tiffany Rambles may become TTCole, but the design will definitely get changed. Triple R: Read, Rate, Review will turn into Reader's Den, a sister site to Honest Crits, my critiquing/reviewing/promotion business. I have all the layouts and pictures I'll use for each site saved. Now it'll just be a matter of figuring out the content and preparing to promote it.  

Some of the pieces are connecting, but others still need some time. In all, I've been very antsy lately, and those above are the reasons why. Also, can't forget to add the two songs I've had on repeat lately!

The first three pages (and only three pages) of Dream Catcher that I wrote before I realized college would eat up too much of my time to do Nanowrimo have been scrapped. I just couldn't write any more of it, in spite of how exciting and action-packed it was. It didn't feel right, similar to how the very first scrapped chapter of Savior of the Damned (when it was called Corpse Eater) didn't feel right.

In Corpse Eater, I wanted Alecia and Levi to be lovers in spite of his being a corpse eater demon thing. I was dead set on doing a supernatural romance that wasn't a vampire/human or werewolf/human romance. However, when I wrote that first kissing scene, I couldn't write another word for weeks. Even then, before I created the complex hardships that are present in Savior of the Damned concerning Levi and Alecia's relationship, my muse knew they could never easily be lovers. Plus, I realized I'm no good at writing romances.

What went wrong in Dream Catcher was writing in first person simply because I'm comfortable with it (I spent six years writing Savior of the Damned in first person) and not figuring out how I wanted to portray the dream world. Even though I'm certain college will be the bane of my existance for the next 2-3 weeks and interfere with time I could be using for writing, I can see the story coming together in ways that surprise me. Also, my storytelling style seems to have changed! Here's the first paragraph:

When in the waking world, Joachim Horowitz is as solid a human as everyone else. He has tangible skin that is at least two shades away from being very pale, dark hair that rests in a curly mess around his face, and sharp hazel eyes that people often don't notice due to his mastery of keeping them closed. If he stands out, which is a rare occurrence, it is either because he is standing - at a whopping 6'2" - or people have realized that the proportion of time he sleeps in class outweighs the proportion of time he's awake.

On the first day of November, I opened Microsoft Word only to realize that I had a 7-page paper to write and then work for the last 5 hours of the day. As thus, my first day of Nanowrimo was spent getting thousands of words for school and maybe ten words for my story before I crashed of exhaustion and went to sleep.

The days after that jumped between those types of schedules. It's the 6th day of November, and I only have about 700 words toward my book. It's 700 words I really like and 700 words I'm eager to add more to, but that's a meager number to be nearly done with the first week of November. Right after I finish this blog post, I have an analysis paper to write and then a book review to write. I know for sure that I'm gonna want to take a Buffy break too.

If I'm lucky, it won't be well past ten by then and I can get back to writing again. I left Joachim in a nightmare realm. The floor is about to cave in, and he'll finally find the dreamer he needs to rescue. I'm very excited for all of this. Though I won't be turning to Savior of the Damned again for a couple more months, I left Alecia in her room waiting for a dinner that will destroy her life. She'll meet the Big Bad, or Samuel.

I love the differences and similarities between the Insomnium series (Dream Catcher) and the Danse Macabre series (Savior of the Damned). It's good to write something a little different each time, test your writing and imagination:

• Setting: The characters in Dream Catcher live in an actual city (Evanston, Illinois), work at real places, and go to a real college (Northwestern). All the settings in Savior of the Damned, from the city to the schools to the stores, are made up. However, it is based off of Blue Island, Illinois and the surrounding suburbs I grew up with.
• Characters: Apart from Joachim being a rogue dream catcher and Lottie being a witch, the characters are pretty normal, in that they have some contact with friends and family and no really large mental issues. They want to find a lover, make a future for themselves outside of their supernatural abilities. The vast majority of characters in SotD are supernatural creatures with different cultures of their own, and Alecia is already a damaged shell of a human when the story starts.
• Death Count: Lots and lots of characters will die by the end of Danse Macabre. It's a really long series, between 8-20 books, and there will be many wars and large battles and world altering moments. Most of the action in the Insomnium series takes place in nightmares and most trained dream catchers never die in nightmares.
• Romance: I'm harsher with romance in Danse Macabre than I am with Insomnium, but Danse Macabre is also darker.
• Conflict: Danse Macabre has actual villains to be fought against. There are Big Bad's in each book and Small Bad's littered along the way to make it harder. Though there is also personal conflict, it has a tendency to end up closely intermingling with the overall conflict of the story. The conflict in Insomnium involves how hard a nightmare is. There is no tangible Big Bad. Perhaps in later books there might be inner conflict, but it wouldn't be on the level of inner and outer conflict in Danse Macabre.

On another note, music I've been addicted to lately:

So, today has consisted of breakfast, a movie, class, a meeting, lunch, and blogging (which I'm doing now). After blogging, there'll be another class, a guest lecture, a phone call, and then research. I'll probably be up until around 2 am doing research. Nanowrimo is in 5 days, I have two papers due, and I still feel like there is a lot I need to know about dream catchers, witchcraft, and downtown Chicago.

See, this is why I love the internet. So far, I've learned that Joachim and Lottie live in Evanston, Illinois. Joachim will go to Northwestern University and work in some restaurant there. Lottie won't be a college student, but she will be working at Amaranth - a used book store in Evanston. I know exactly what apartment they will live in (I searched for apartments for sale there) and what it looks like when empty. I'm still trying to understand Northwestern's curriculum, but I can easily find that out with just a little bit of site searching and put a makeshift schedule for Joachim together.

I also found some cool sites for interpreting dreams and nightmares. The first chapter starts off with Joachim in someone else's dream. I'm eager to start outlining said chapter, but I can't...I need to have all the dreams I plan to use in Dream Catcher already written out. Preferably, I'd like them to symbolize things. I want Joachim to not only cure nightmares by rescuing people, but also by interpreting them. First, though, I have to become really good at interpreting dreams. I don't think it'll happen in the next five days, though. I can only spend so much time on research. I need to spend more time writing a general chapter guide to get me and the characters exactly where I need them.

As for witchcraft, I just need to know what the different kinds are and if one better fits certain type of people.

On another note, I've watched three movies in the past few days: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, The Adjustment Bureau, and Almost Famous. They were all good in their own right. I'm a critic of books, but not so much movies. I always get much too into any movie even remotely good. Anyway, I think it's important that I've been overdosing on movies lately. I firmly believe that it's a good thing for an author to surround themselves with lots of entertainment, definitely of varying kinds. It really complements the muse.

Nanowrimo is in 7 days. Dream Catcher is the book I'll be writing during that month, but I've realized that I won't be successful at finishing Dream Catcher unless I figure out a general outline for every chapter and learn more about what I'm writing. Basically, this means hardcore research. Some of the notes I took were as follows:

• Research apartments in downtown Chicago, colleges, that college course guide, magic and antique shops, transportation, and popular jobs.
• Research dream catchers. First, just the item itself. How well do they sell? When were they created and why? What are the varying looks?
• Research symbols in dreams/nightmares. What does certain color, items, sounds etc. signify?
• What different types of witchcraft are there?

I honestly think the reason it's taking me 5+ years to fully complete Savior of the Damned is the fact that I wrote the whole thing with no prior research, characterization, or goal. I just wrote it. And it was fun and wild that way, but also terribly wordy and much more harder to edit. Same thing happened with Lady Avarei, my High Fantasy story before that. I want to write the first draft the way I know is correct for me this time around.

Speaking of Savior of the Damned and editing, November will be dedicated solely to Dream Catcher. I'll dedicate December to launching Honest Crits and maybe editing a client's work. January and February will probably go back mainly to Honest Crits and Dream Catcher. Basically, Savior of the Damned will be put on the backburner for a while. It's an ambitious project, one that documents my entire teen life as a writer...and I think it's the series I'll also self-publish simply because I want to. Before I put it out on the self-publishing market, though, I'd like to at least finish the first three books. It's smarter to have more projects out there when self-publishing.

On another note, music I'm listening to. Right now it's American McGee's Alice in Wonderland. This song especially gets wonderful for me at 2:14:

Last night, I started to plan out the chapters for Dream Catcher, the first book in my Insomnium series. I covered the first three chapters for sure. The first chapter has action and comedy. The second chapter has an argument and comedy. The third chapter sets up Joachim's living situation, as well as that of the secondary main character he lives with - Abigail 'Lottie' Hamilton, and has conversation and comedy.

However, after that, I'm not too sure what to do. I realized I needed to figure out the layers of my plot to continue. I know the end, the middle, and the beginning. The steps to get to those three major parts...not so much.

This story has what my other story, Savior of the Damned, didn't. These main characters have friends, family, school, jobs, relationship woes. They're not 'normal,' because I sincerely don't think there's a such thing as a normal person, but they're certainly more normal than Alecia - what with Alecia having lots of mental issues and only being a shell of who she used to be.

I've never written a story with characters who feel those range of emotions, who have those range of problems outside of their supernatural ones. Alecia later develops some semblance of all of those things above, but it's not on the scale of what I'm attempting now.

The three layers I need to construct first and then merge in the end are their real life problems, their supernatural problems, and the nightmares Joachim cures. I need to figure out what the meaning of said dreams will be ahead of time.

Last night, at 1 am, I decided I'd do Nanowrimo to finish (or at least mostly finish) the first book in my Insomnium series - Dream Catcher.

I first did Nanowrimo in 2005, so I was about 14 years old. At that point in time, I was writing a fantasy series called 'Lady Avarei.' I didn't 'win' Nanowrimo. In fact, I only made it to about 10,000 words, but I was super thrilled anyway. Before that I could never write anything over 5000ish words. The little terrible stories I wrote in the 6th and 7th grade, dusting away in the back of my closet back home, don't count (trust me, they're that terrible. I was what?..11, and I wrote those things in a week in pencil).

Learning that I actually could write over 5000 words inspired me to put Lady Avarei on the backburner and start on a new story. In the 8th grade, I called it 'Corpse Eater' because I was tired of the oversaturation of supernatural stories about vampires. There were so many other creatures that could be explored, like the corpse eater.That first draft was almost 200,000 words. 200,000 words, effortlessly written for fun! I couldn't have done it without Nanowrimo (though that's not a healthy word count either. Trust me, with each draft that word count lessens by about 10,000-20,000 words, but it's better to have more than less).

Freshman year, the story became 'The Awakening,' since I realized I was going to make the story about more than just corpse eaters. Now it's called 'Savior of the Damned,' the first book in the 'Danse Macabre' series, and that's the name it'll keep as far as I'm concerned.

I never actually thought I'd do Nanowrimo again. Since I'd spent the last five or so years of my life only working on Savior of the Damned, I didn't feel the need to spend a month writing anything else. I was only editing and rewriting the same tale. When I was 16, I did update my Nanowrimo profile under the impression that I would, in fact, try to finish some of my fanfiction. I didn't, of course. 16 was a terrible terrible age for me. I was too busy living and almost failing at life to think about nanowrimo. Plus, I needed to come to terms with the fact that I was done with fanfiction.

It's different this time. I'm 19; life is really flipping stressful, but I'm hopeful; writing IS my life. Plus, I have an idea for something new, something that quickens my heart beat and makes me smile with excitement every time I think about writing it. The two new characters, Lotti and Joachim, are begging to be written.  I can't wait to explore the nightmares, based loosely off of my own, that Joachim cures. I can't wait to show Lotti's development as a witch. And I can't wait to write about their lives separate from their supernatural explorations.

Of course, I get this same level of excitement with Savior of the Damned. Last night I finished typing chapter 3 and wrote two pages of chapter 4. I'm really excited because the Big Bad is about to make his appearance, and Alecia's life is about to fall apart in the span of half an hour. Finally! It's when a character's life starts to fall apart quicker than they can process it that a story takes off. Let the horrors and adventures begin! I've rode this rollercoaster over 12 times, but I'm still excited to ride it again. Also, I love rollercoasters.

I've been writing with the two songs below on repeat pretty often. Oh yes, I'm very weird, but this is the type of stuff that inspires my muse to go wild.

All the things, writing-wise, that I wanted to become habits are automatically becoming habits. I'm thrilled by that. The past week, I've made sure to blog every day or every other day. The past three days, I've been up well past 12 am working on my story. Last night I finished the new chapter three. I couldn't stop writing, even though I was sleepy and hungry, and it felt wonderful. Except now I'm tired and sorta winding down, but I'm sure this has less to do with when I sleep (I don't have to wake up early) and more to do with the fact that I have too many things to worry about.

What makes all of this better is that I don't plan to write for 3-5 hours, and I don't plan to blog. I just do it.

I also found some cool free online college courses that I plan to take later on, namely the ones on grammar, entrepreneurship, and finances.

Oh yeah; yesterday, I put up my review and giveaway contest for Allan Leverone's 'Postcards from the Apocalypse.' I've noticed that review writing has gotten a little easier to do. It's a lot like writing a synopsis, but with a commentary. One day I plan to put up a post about what it's like to be a reviewer. Hm. I may actually write some articles about the many different hats I wear and try to publish it on other blogs through guest appearances.

If you look to the right, you'll notice something new and wonderful. There are word count widgets! This is supposed to be my way of forcing myself to start working on the other projects I've (sorta) developed and noting how far I'm getting. Also, something about making it public makes it feel more legit.

I've decided that I'd like to self publish the Dream Catcher series (name prone to change) and a short story collection and get Savior of the Damned - part of a much longer series - traditionally published. Savior of the Damned will come first, of course.

Why get into self publishing and (hopefully) traditional publishing? Because why not. It'll be hard. I'm not deluding myself on that. But it'll also be enjoyable to work hard on what I love - writing and knowing someone is reading.

Yes, I've been inspired by Amanda Hocking, but I don't believe I'll get her success (hopefully at least a third of it). Anyway, Amanda is not why I'm doing what I'm doing. It's simply because of what I've said above.

Now, about those word count widgets. What slightly frustrates me about those is that I don't know exactly what the word counts should be. The stories will be finished when they're finished. I chose the 7500 and 110,000 word count because, according to my editing services, those are just general word counts for a short story and a novel. SotD is at 160,000 because it was once up to about 160,000 or more in previous drafts and I'm not sure how much I will cut and add.

Also, tonight will be my first writing all nighter in two years. I plan to stay up until at least 5 A.M. writing. The challenge will be not waking my roomie up and staying awake. However, if the writing really gets going, I know I won't be able to stop. I write my absolute best material at night (or at least it LOOKS like my absolute best material when I'm writing it in such a passion that my hands hurt and I can hardly breathe but I can't stop). That's not important though. What's important is that I tend to write a lot throughout the night, and getting stuff done so I'll at least have something to edit and get edited gives me such a feeling of accomplishment.

Recently, I've been doing a lot of reading. Unfortunately, not of books (Though I did buy 5 awesome books at the Dollar Tree, 4 of which are nonfiction. I've noticed lately that I tend to read more nonfictions on my own time and more fiction only for reviews). Anyway, it's been of blogs. I look at a blog like I do a book. Whenever an author reaches some type of success, which is usually just getting published in my mind, I go back to their very first blog post and read up all the way until the recent post.

It's occurred to me that may be a little creepy. Not that I mind. I'm a supernatural/psychological horror writer. Or at least I'd like to think I could downpack the psychological horror part.

Neil Gaiman was the first person I ever did this with...or at least attempted to. I started when I was 13. But his blog has been going for more than a decade. Now I'm big into Amanda Hocking's blog. Her posts really make me laugh, nod my head, and rethink my creative process.

For one, I've noticed that a lot of aspiring writers tend to make a habit out of posting every day or every other day, and it's published writers who blog a bit more sporadically. I have my theories on this, but they're not too developed. Anyway, I would LOVE to post here every day or every other day. Generally, I just don't have the time. The only reason I do now is because today has been an entire day of chilling, for the most part.

But, if this whole college fiasco goes the way I want it to, I will soon have plenty of time. I will utilize the hell out of that time too by blogging and writing.

Speaking of, here's what Amanda has taught me as far as rethinking my creative process goes. I need to write lots of things. I have only finished one (hopefully) publishable novel in my entire life, and that's the novel I'm still working on and have been working on for five or so years. For some reason, I am nervous about short stories, even though I very much plan to write a short story collection one day and self publish it. I envy Amanda's ability to write a full novel in the span of a month, sometimes just in the span of half a month, and work on other projects meanwhile.

Unfortunately, I no longer keep an idea booklet. I don't really remember what other novels I wanted to write, what short stories I want to dabble into, and that's sad. It's cool to be super motivated to a series. My Savior of the Damned trilogy and the later books in the Danse Macabre series are ambitious and in need of lots of concentration, true.

But what if I do work on other things as well? I'm really excited about this! I have an empty composition book in my drawer. That will become my new idea booklet. It's a promise to myself.

Yesterday, I finally finished typing Chapter 5: In-School Suspension (you can find it on Scribd and Fictionpress). Savior of the Damned is one chapter away from part 1 being completed! Today I wrote the first two paragraphs of Chapter 6: Danny.

It's taken me so long to do all of this. Now it's weeks, but I can remember a time in my life when I could get through full chapters in days (this is the 6th draft). Yet I still managed to finish, and that's what makes me most happy.

I want to be able to dedicate more time to my writing and business. Both are so close to the next step. Just a couple more nudges, a couple more days of sheer devotion, and they could be on their way to a higher level. For right now, unfortunately, that may be too much to ask for (I'm having college complications). I can't take the dangerously fast steps I used to. I'm like the baby bird up above.

For each step, I now have to put my arms out, look straight ahead at the light in the distance, and know that no matter how many times I struggle, I can get back up and spread my arms out again. It's no use looking behind me, unless to admire what I've already passed.

What has greatly helped me is returning to all the creative things I surrounded myself with when I first began writing. I don't know why, but when I got to college, I stopped...I stopped immersing myself in anime, losing myself in music, interpreting art, analyzing and enjoying movies, keeping up with the blog posts of those I admired (except for a very small few), watching game walkthroughs, and reading just for pleasure.

Recently, after even more baby steps, I returned to those things. I'd love to start this anime called 'Nightmare Inspector (Yumekui Kenbun)'; I'm searching for soundtracks I once loved; I often find myself on Google Images; yesterday I watched and greatly enjoyed Triangle (I am listening to the sountrack now. It's wonderful to write to); I bought two Stephen King books; I'm interested in finishing a walkthrough of Kingdom Hearts; and, last but not least, I sporadically read as many blog posts as I can.

It's been wonderful for my muse! All the passion to take part in these creative achievements has come back, full throttle.

One day, I hope to be published. I hope to be an editor with a good track record and an English degree. It's like what author James Fouche said in an article about balancing writing with another career - determination, determination, determination.

Each steady step is one of determination and passion.

This post will primarily be about what I discovered when writing, but it does tie into how my day went in general.

So yay, it's my birthday! I turned nineteen (a pretty pointless age, to be honest. It's just one step closer to 21). Only a couple of my birthdays after I turned 12 were eventful. I can remember some going by with maybe one or two cards. At some point, I became a little sad about my birthday. This birthday, however, has been both the best and worse birthday I've ever had.

Facebook made it so that I woke up to 50+ happy birthdays. I got a card from my roomie. My ma's gift came in. And, when I finally go back home next weekend, I can anticipate something from my boyfriend and his mom and my dad. I feel very happy and, as some would say, blessed.

But I woke up really sick, got a scary message from an ex-boyfriend, had to go to work, and got soaked after treating myself to a cheap shopping spree for things I mostly needed moreso than wanted. Right now, while I'm sitting in a room with a couple of other college students, I feel as though this was overall the best birthday I've ever had.

Why? It was my choice, from the moment I woke up, to make sure I would be optimistic about today regardless of what was ahead. I made the choice that this would be a good, if not great, birthday. That mindset helped me remain in a good mood.

This brings me to my novel and the current draft I'm working on. In other drafts, I realized that I never allowed Alecia (the main character) to make choices. She's kidnapped, and that's how she learns her link to supernatural matters. All the characters seem to push themselves on her. Though Alecia is the type of character who allows that, up to a high extent, it would be nice to see her make some more choices for once.

And it's actually much more fun to write. To be honest, I'm still having something of a hard time with Alecia. She's a very hard character to write because of all the stuff she's been through and all the stuff I'll put her through. However, ever since I've invested more energy into making her take just a little more charge, I've connected with her more.

I didn't realize how to write this until I taught myself how to live this way. That's partly why I love writing. It correlates to the stage you're living, in a sense.

I've been stuck on my new part 1, chapters 1-4 of the 6 in all, for months now. This is moreso because I've been all over the place in other matters of life, and I've already scheduled so much that writing is something I can't schedule any more. I write now whenever I can find an open interval. Like, for instance, hopefully tonight when I finish critiquing for the day.

I've also been stuck because I keep going back and editing the previous chapters every time I complete or work on a new one. I'm in an editing mood because I've been on such a critiquing and reviewing role. Anyway, I think this is a silly, counter productive thing to do. When I talk to writers who do that, definitely writers working on their first work, I tell them to just write without looking back. At the least, I've written without looking back (until the loooong editing process, where I pass my novel out to many others) five times. But this 6th draft? It somehow feels different. I've been working with all the other chapters for years. The part 1 in this version is entirely new, and it forces me to slow the plot down and build on characterization.

This, time, though, I think it's for good reason. I changed chapters 2-4 specifically to add little bits of foreshadowing that will build up and spill over in Chapter 5. I want Alecia to have a believable freak out and to be smart enough to sense all the messages and want to escape, but not so smart as to have any idea how. The key word is believable, with proper build up in small increments throughout every chapter before.

After this blog post, I'm gonna work on critiquing (which should take me no more than an hour) and then plot out chapter 4. There are a gazillion other things I want to do and can easily do: clean out my favorites (it's terrifying), fix my computer's desktop (it's also terrifying, but less so), read all of Zoe Winter's blog posts from start to recent, stalk everything to do with 'Theory of a Deadman,' watch a Let's Play of Dead Space, read through all these free magazines....

But I won't do these things. I'll start to do these things, I'm quite sure, but then the muse in me will scream at my inability to get this damn thing finished another time (I've already done it 5 times; I should be able to do it now), and I WILL at least complete the outline for Chapter 4. It's an interesting one, from the point of view of another character that won't be truly introduced until book 2.

My life is in a state of three right now.

I've been in this scholarship program at IUB for three weeks now, and in those three weeks there have already been three fire alarms - two in one day in the same building and one today.

A food center is perhaps one of the most irritating places for a fire alarm to go off. You could be eating, you could be choosing your food or waiting for it to come, you could be in a rush to eat and make it to your destination right on time...

But I got really lucky. I not only finished my actual meal just in time, but I was one of the two people in line as the alarm went off, meaning I ended up with free chocolate pudding! :D

On another note, I finished my English and Reading homework yesterday. Today, at 2 pm, I'll start on my math homework. That'll probably take me the rest of the day to complete. For right now, though, I'm gonna make myself happy by checking e-mails and reading Neil Gaiman's and Michelle Davidson Argyle's blog. I may even be able to fit in time to work on chapter 2 of my novel. I did some edits to chapter 1 yesterday that satisfied me much more. I'm just having a hard time with part 1 of my story in general.

In three more weeks, I'll be back home for about 2 1/2 weeks before actual college starts in the Fall. Yes! I miss the warmth of having my boyfriend right next to me and the anticipation that I'll have a good time with the bestie. Plus, I'll get to see my family again.

Now it's time to admire Neil Gaiman and Michelle. ^_^

...at least, I certainly hope so and I am working on it.

You see, for the past week or two, things got a little bit out of control for me. I don't mean the bad type of out of control - goodness, that phrase has such negative connotations. I mean out of control in that way that things always get when an 18-year-old female falls for a guy who actually likes her back. This seems odd compared to how I felt in that one blog post, where I said that I felt romantically inept. I mean, I STILL feel romantically challenged. It's not as strong anymore is all.

Currently, things are wonderful between us. That's all I'll say on that. I know this is my personal blog, but I have more limitations here than I do at Tiffany Stumbles, and rambling on about a boyfriend - something I could easily do, mind you - doesn't seem like it would interest you very much. It could also backfire on me somewhere down the road.

So, about writing. I am exactly one scene away from finishing Chapter 3: Saumerville Central. I like that the end of the chapter has a creepy/supernatural feel. To be honest, though, I can't say I'm too fond of the rest of the chapter. I have this odd thing against chapters in books that go through a teen character's day of highschool. They irritate me, no matter how well written they are. Maybe it's because I am in highschool right now and I hate the place. Maybe it's because I think of how highschool is portrayed on sitcoms and that irritates me. Either way, I don't like reading or writing a-day-in-highschool scenes, which is why I went out of my way in every draft before this to start Alecia in in-school suspension. This time, though, I HAD to mix everything up. I'm really challenging my interests and skills this edit through.

Speaking of that, I'm very excited about the fourth chapter. It will be very supernatural and creepy, just like I like. However, it's challenging because it will be in third person...and in Levi's point of view (this will not make sense to people who haven't read my story when it was online). Most of the story will be told in first person point of view with Alecia narrating. Have you ever seen this done in a story before? I really want to do it, even if it's not completely logical. This is at least necessary for the first part of the story.

It will also be complicating because I never once stopped to fully consider what a normal day in Levi's life was like two months before the story started in other drafts. Ideas, ideas, ideas.

<<< That guy is Neil Gaiman, the first person I've ever been this much of a fan over. I'm serious. I'm often fangirl spazzing over characters, but hardly people. I think Stephen King is a close second. >>>

Anyway, I am going to be totally uncreative and give you a list of why today is so good, and then I will give a very short list of what may tamper my happiness.

• I laughed and smiled and ate alot of junk food in school and got away with wearing jeans the whole day.
• I finished Chapter 2: Home Sweet Home, and I think I accomplished removing the slow, boring bits that made me self-conscious of my writing. Four important conversations were had. My main character now has the biggest migraine (incidentally, so do I, but more on that later.) The Big Bad called and said, "I know exactly what the future brings for us, and I'm anxious with excitement. It finally all begins. Child, you're in for one hell of a ride." And, incidentally, I was also anxious with excitement...even though I've rewritten this story 6 times in five years and know everything in store. I felt like I was in for one hell of a ride too - not just with writing this again, but with reading it again. I spend some nights talking myself into depression about my writing skill, but I AM telling the story I've always dreamed of reading, and hopefully it's the same for someone else too. That's what really matters, how freaking passionate I am about Savior of the Damned.
• I finished the first of ten scholarships I'm going to be completing these next two weeks. Because of these scholarships, I've taken novel writing out of my schedule. Fortunately, my classes are so easy that I can write during class. This will all change in college, when I go back to serious nerd mood, which is why I'm taking advantage of it now. Anyway, I'll print and finalize everything tomorrow and send it off.
• Things on Triple R are still slow, but I feel the site is at least improving some, and it's forcing me to challenge myself in ways I never would have before. Actually doing author interviews and agreeing to review short story collections and a nonfiction book? For me, that's conquering silly fears of mine that will undoubtedly get me one step closer to my dreams in writing.

The One Bad Thing That May Tamper My Happiness, But I'll Try My Hardest Not To Let It:

• Oh my god, this throbbing in my head is only getting more persistant! I know this is gonna sound silly, but I swear my body is connected to my story. >.< Yesterday I felt really empty and surreal after writing a chapter about my character feeling empty and surreal. Today I have a massive headache after finishing a chapter that ends with my main character having a massive headache. And trust me, there have been more coincidences throughout the years.

That is all! Also, not that you asked, but WHY am I such a fangirl of Neil Gaiman? I read his blog and love his humor and feel connected to him, like I've known him my whole life even though I've been fairly unsuccessful at even getting him to say hi. He started young with book reviews and articles, just like I am, and he gives me even more of a reason to improve at writing. One day, I just want to be in a position to say hullo to him from one writer to another and that is all, and there's this largely childish girl in my heart who writes all my stories and believes that becoming a published author will give me that opportunity.