Tiffany Rambles

Disclaimer: This is not a depressing post. I am NOT depressed (surprising, right?). Actually, I'm very happy. I'm in love, I'm doing the things I've always wanted to do and am finally starting to get paid for it, and I feel like I have a reason for existing. However, being happy doesn't mean there aren't times where I think, "Damn, I really suck." So, in no particular order, here are the reasons why:

1.) I'm a cloudcuckoolander

This is moreso in reality, when I'm hanging out with people (and especially my boyfriend). I'm a lot less of a cloudcuckoolander on the interwebz. If you read the page, you'll notice that being a cloudcuckoolander isn't all too sucky. It's pretty awesome, since skill is often underneath all that weirdness, but it does make moments with me a little awkward. I say random, irrelevent things just because said random, irrelevent thing came to my mind. I ask questions just because. I blank out a lot and end up in some imaginary world within my mind. However, I'm still paying close attention to reality (except when I'm not). Worse of all, it makes me come across as an airhead. Which brings me to my next point...

2.) I'm a contradictory conundrum

See, even that title is puzzling. I'm like two different people in one. On the one hand, I'm super serious and motivated and all about success. I have an ego that doesn't take well to being told I'm stupid and I have a dangerous streak. On the other hand, I'm really a dumbass who blanks out. There is so much going on in my mind that my thoughts overload into nothingness. I'm as harmless as a teddy bear (yknow, the adorable ones and not the ones that come to life and try to kill you). The problem with having two separate personalities is that switching between the two confuses me and everyone around me.

3.) I get antsy for change and adventure

Which, as crazy as I am about research and preparation, makes me come across as reckless. I like to take risks. I don't like doing things the normal, healthy way because I'm all into defining success on my own terms. If it feels nice outside, you better believe that I'm packing a backpack with artsy stuff and heading out to...do whatever. This will often involve meeting a psycho. -_- Sure, this is all part of the entrepreneurial drive, but it makes me anxious when things are consistent and that's a feeling I need to get rid of now that things are, well, consistent and very well should be consistent.

4.) I Stretch Myself Thin

I'm not as bad as I used to be. This time around, I take breaks and talk to people and make sure to get more sleep. In all, I am no longer an insane workaholic with one too many goals. However, I do have a hell of a lot of goals, so much so that I can honestly admit to myself that if I'm not careful I'll stretch myself thin. I want to self-publish a book, traditionally publish a book, submit to a number of magazines and contests, get my license, learn how to cook, get and maintain a part-time job, run an editing sole proprietorship, and run a book blog. That's....a lot, lol.

5.) I'm Still Not There Yet

I accept myself. I love who I am and I accept that the bad stuff I went through is what made me who I am. Still, I'm not *totally* there. As in, there are still moments where I look at or someone or hear about their achievements and think, "Shit, I'm not good enough. Look at her, doing so well in college. I bet my parents would be more proud if I were there right now, doing that well. Look at him, being so clever and intelligent. Why can't I effortlessly be clever and intelligent instead of a contradictory cloudcuckoolander who both thinks too much and not enough?" The thoughts come and go. They don't put me in the dumps and make me cry, but it still sucks that I waste about 5-10 minutes of my day even thinking about that stuff.

So, it's been weeks since I've last posted. The next time I post, which will be soon and not weeks later, I'll actually talk about the things I've been doing. I just really wanted to do a "5 Reasons Why..." list, namely because I love Cracked. Also, because I'm random like that, my most recent favorite two songs:

This is a reply (well, in the sense that I'm gonna answer the question for myself) to Michelle Davidson Argyle's blog post.

Just like Michelle, I officially call 2011 the Year of No Writing. I can't remember what happened the whole first half of 2011. I actually have to go back through all my old posts here at Tiffany Rambles to refresh my memory. For me, it was a wild year on the personal side and a lame year on the writing/professional side. Here's a recap of my 2011:

• High School Academic Competitions: I didn't do as well in the 2011 Academic Decathlon as I did in the 2010 one. In 2010, I was like an Aca Deca goddess. I won an award in every topic. At state, I won three awards. This year not only was the school unable to afford a lot of the materals, but I didn't study as hard. I won maybe three awards and failed entirely at state. However, I got first place in the Spell Bowl. I've been doing spelling bees since the 6th grade. For a long time, I wanted to win a spelling bee. I didn't win one until my senior year of high school. -_-
• Freelance and Contests: I entered into the IRT Young Playwriting Contest. I thought I won. The e-mails they sent me gave me the impression that I did, but I didn't. It saddened me. I did get interested in playwriting again, though. I became a contributor for the Best Damn Creative Writing Blog and Caleb Breakey's blog, two blogs that are now closed. I was also let off as a reviewer at Suspense Magazine.
• Short Stories and Publishing: I came up with a bunch of short story ideas after, in a fit of fear, thinking that I couldn't come up with any ideas outside of my novels. Rhemalda Publishing replied to me, saying that, though my novel needed some work, they'd still be willing to consider me in the future. THAT made me very excited. Unfortunately, as far as the short stories go, I haven't written any. I plan to, though.
• The Groups Scholarship Program: This felt like FOREVER. I spent my summer at IUB, taking college classes and being part of an intensive scholarship program. Don't get me wrong; I'm grateful to have been chosen for this scholarship and I know it was a wonderful opportunity, but I...almost lost my sanity there.
• Fell in love: For the first time ever, I fell in love. Before this year, before Matthew, I was a bitter unbeliever of true love. I didn't think any guy could ever want me for longer than a month or two. There was always some other girl. I was never good enough. Blah blah blah. But then Matthew came along and proved me wrong. We're going on nine months now.
• Battled Depression: Oh boy, did I. I was at my absolute lowest in college. There were so many negative voices. I thought nothing but bad things of myself. Then, after one hell of a week, I finally said something POSITIVE about myself. Lots of other positive thoughts came pouring in, and it's been like that for months. For me, depression is a battle with demons, and I don't like losing.
• High School: I graduated high school with an honors diploma. I went to prom, even though I thought I wouldn't go all throughout highschool, and it was great.
• College: I went. For long-winded reasons I don't think I should get into here, I left. I am the happier because of it. That is all.

2011 wasn't a waste. I trumped in self-discovery. My personal life flourished. However, 2012 will be about my professional life finally getting the attention it deserves and flourishing. Tiffany Rambles has a brand new design. Triple R, now called Reader's Den, is almost complete. In the coming week, I'll be working diligently on finishing and launching Honest Crits, my critiquing/promoting/reviewing business. I've figured out a lot of stuff in regards to my novels, and I'll be freelance submitting to magazines again.

It seems like a lot. It seems overwhelming. While it is a lot, I'm super excited to finally be back to work and following my dreams. Because I do all of this full-time and balance my work schedule with actually being social, it's a lot less overwhelming. 2012 is my year.

Sorry for how long it's been since I've last updated. Due to the holidays, reconnecting with the family and boyfriend, and pulling myself back together after finally returning home, I've been undercover as far as my online presence goes. But I have still been putting in a lot of work in regards to my online presence, definitely for 2012.

At some point in January, preferably within the first week, all three of my sites - Tiffany Rambles, Triple R: Read, Rate, Review, and Honest Crits - will be undergoing design revisions. Tiffany Rambles will now be updated every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, and this new change will come into effect January 1st.

Why all the design changes? 2012 is a big, important year for me, and renovating my websites (as well as creating a brand new one) feels like part of welcoming these changes. I'll be a full-time writer, critiquer, and reviewer. Not only will I be taking on self-publishing and (hopefully) traditional publishing, but I'll also be working on freelance writing and critiquing.

Honestly, I think I have enough goals to start the new year for two people, lol. What are your 2012 goals?

If I didn't clear through my e-mails everyday, I'd have hundreds of messages to check. No, it isn't due to spam, but very few of those e-mails are directly from an individual. I generally turn to Facebook when I want to talk to someone.

See, my problem is that I'm a spontaneous subscriber. I'm subscribed to dozens of blogs and websites, some of which I've later regretted signing up for. However, apart from the blogs I keep up with because they inspire me (The Innocent Flower, Amanda Hocking, Welcome to the Asylum, Neil Gaiman, etc.), there are exactly seven sites I would recommend any writer subscribe to - not only because they are all free, but because they are all wonderful, consistent resources brimming with vital information about the writing world:

1.) Writer's Digest: I feel like Writer's Digest, a magazine that always has many wonderful articles, speaks for itself. Unfortunately, I can't afford to subscribe to the magazine, but I don't mind getting the newsletter in my e-mail every week as a smaller replacement. There are always 5+ articles on varying topics.

2.) Social Media Examiner: This is one of my absolute most favorite newsletters. Need help understanding software? Want to know about new innovations across the social networking world? Want to watch interviews from top marketing people? This site has those things and so much more.

3.) FundsForWriters: This newsletter has been named one of the 101 Best Websites for Writers by Writer's Digest every year since 2001, and it's definitely earned such an award. There are always two articles - one from the creator Hope Clark and one from a guest. As far as the extremely helpful content go, there are links to competitions, jobs, grants, and publishers/agents.

4.) Fiction Notes: It's a bit hard to describe this one. Though the design is always the same, each newsletter is slightly different. Sometimes there are two articles in a newsletter. Sometimes there is one long one or one short one. What I like most about this newsletter is that it DOESN'T bombard me with a gazillion other articles to read. Don't get me wrong; I love that the other sites above give me a lot to choose from. However, Fiction Notes keeps it nice and simple when my e-mail world is so often very complex and time consuming.

5.) Worldwide Freelance Writing: This is a great resource for all the freelancers out there. Similar to FundsForWriters, it has an editor's thoughts article and a featured article. Afterward, it gives links to ebooks for writers and writing markets, as well as news about what's going on in the writing world.

6.) Advanced Fiction Writing E-Zine: I've been subscribed to this for years, ever since I discovered his wonderful Snowflake Method. Generally, there are three articles in this E-zine. They often thoroughly touch on marketing and writing craft.

7.) Publish Your Own Ebooks: This is one of my newer subscriptions. I'm still getting accustomed to this one. However, it does contain a good amount of info on how to navigate around the ebook world, a venture I will later take on.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Fragments and pieces of thoughts have been flying around in my mind. Here are the things I've been concerned about:

• Savior of the Damned: I wanted to figure out how to add more of a supernatural feel to the first part of the story, and I also wanted to make the climax a large pile-up of events that should all help Alecia come to an important decision. I figured out what I could do for the beginning a couple of days ago. The ending was a lot more complicating, though. Finally, while walking to breakfast this morning, I figured out exactly what I could do! I was all smiles the whole walk. Now to write it all in and see if it fits as well when all typed-up.
• Dream Catcher: The biggest question is as follows: can I really write this whole story in third-person present tense? I won't know the answer to that until I do it. There are other concerns too. What are the rules of the dream world? What dreams will I be using? What will the conflict in the other books of the series pertain to? Though Dream Catcher, book one in the Insomnium series, is essentially a spin-off of the Danse Macabre series (Savior of the Damned), there's still a lot more I need to learn.
• Website Renovations and My Business: ALL of my sites will be renovated by January 2012. Tiffany Rambles may become TTCole, but the design will definitely get changed. Triple R: Read, Rate, Review will turn into Reader's Den, a sister site to Honest Crits, my critiquing/reviewing/promotion business. I have all the layouts and pictures I'll use for each site saved. Now it'll just be a matter of figuring out the content and preparing to promote it.  

Some of the pieces are connecting, but others still need some time. In all, I've been very antsy lately, and those above are the reasons why. Also, can't forget to add the two songs I've had on repeat lately!

How long this blog post will be depends on how much I can type before the bell rings. I've never put up a blog post during school, but this is just about the only time I have available, so here goes.

This entire week was planned in advance last week. My senior-year-of-highschool and personal life is basically eating up time for my academic/professional life, but that's okay. I'll be going to college this summer. There, I'll be right back to my tight schedule...meaning I want to cherish all this time with my boyfriend and friends as much as I can.

Tomorrow is prom. THAT certainly feels surreal. It's not really setting in, honestly. -_- For the longest time, I was certain I wouldn't go, yet here I am.

Yesterday was Wednesday Writing/Work day, where I take a break from any social activities that do not involve me writing or working on my website. I didn't get as much done as I wanted, but I DID complete my next article for Best Damn Creative Writing Blog (BDCWB). I'll send it to the editor some time after school. I also submitted my resume to Elance, where I can hopefully start getting paid for freelancing.

As excited as I am about this freelancing stuff - it's been my dream to prove to myself that I do have the strength and energy to consistently write for other places - I really want to get back into creative writing. Today I wrote two more paragraphs of my short story and one more paragraph of my Chapter 4 summary for Savior of the Damned. That's just not enough, tho! I know I can only push myself so much, but still...

In all, I'm busy, extremely happy and grateful that so many people support and care about my endeavors, and very tired/afraid. Soooo much is about to change. Jeez, I can feel it everywhere I turn.

Yesterday, me and my boyfriend were talking about the pros and cons of longhand writing and typing. Here's the text message I sent:

I do understand why so many dont [longhand write]. Its messy, and in a world of technology where you'll have to type it anyway, it seems silly. (2/3) But i love writing with paper. i love the scratch outs, the margin notes, the arrows, the stains. I love having to take hours typing 15 pages. Why? It (3/3) forces me to read it again and i always catch errors that way. Why isnt this a blog post at rambles? Tomorrow it will be.

Today is the tomorrow in that text. On Facebook, I put up a status asking if anyone prefers to write on paper instead of type, and all of the 8-10 writers who answered said that they preferred typing. There I was, the youngest writer in the discussion, and I preferred hoarding loads of notebooks and pens to write my story over using cleverly awesome apps and technology. With Dream Catcher, I tried to do the whole typing first thing, but it didn't work. I couldn't do it. And in this post I'll try and explain my attachment to longhand.

First off, though, I am NOT writing this post to argue that my way of writing is superior to the other. That's silly. People should write how they see fit.

• Recognition with family and friends: Each of my notebooks has the title of my book on it in big letters. When people I know see me taking my pen out and opening that notebook, it's like they instantly know I'm writing and need to be left alone. But when I bring out my laptop, even if I say I'm working on my novel, they seem a little suspect that I actually am doing such a thing.
• Less Distractions: Writers are notoriously good at finding distractions regardless, but I don't get distracted as easily when I'm just listening to music and huddled in a corner somewhere staring at my notebook. With the computer, even when I try to restrict myself, the internet calls to me.
• Can easily refer back: When I get furious with a sentence or even a whole page of writing, I put a small line through the sentence or a big X over the whole page, but I often find that the very same things I once decided was bad could very easily be used later on. However, when typing, I press delete and lose all of that.
• Fun with margins, stains, arrows, etc.: My story notebooks are highly amusing. There are all type of crazy things in the margins that, when I look back on them now, I have no idea why the hell I wrote them. So many notes to myself, so many suggestions, so many random sentences. Since I take the notebook with me everywhere, there are mystery stains I try to decipher later. And then the arrows! My paragraphs are often written terribly out of order, so I have to use arrows and numbers to make it flow. It's like a puzzle!
• I'll have to type it: Yes, this is often frustrating. If I've written over 5 pages, and I very often do, it will take me hours to type it all up. But in those hours, I'm forced to reread everything I've written, and all types of errors jump out at me that way.

So, do you prefer to write or to type? It'd be wonderful if someone did a post in response to this, but explaining why they prefer typing.